Written by Ava Dennis
"Nothing Else Matters" t-shirt painting in progress.
The Jailbreak Series artists rolled into the second installment of "Jailbreak - Escaping the confines of prison through the healing experience of collaborative art" still riding the high from last month's "Like A Stone" collaboration kickoff. With the desire to keep the inspiration and ink flowing, the song for March was quickly chosen by Gustav: Nothing Else Matters by Metallica. A song, in fact, lead singer of Metallica, James Hetfield, was nervous to bring to his bandmates in fear it was "too soft." This quality of vulnerability at its inception, its haunting beauty, and the Jailbreak artists' individual interpretations of the song fit the intentions of this series perfectly.
Gustav's important words on understanding healing, reflections from "Like A Stone," and an introduction to "Nothing Else Matters:"
The projects were divided up differently for the second installment, fueled by the desire to continue deepening the state and quality of collaboration and connection. The song remained covered by the resounding talent that gave us the "Like A Stone" cover, however, this time, Chad began the painting, left half of it unfinished, and then mailed it to Ava to complete. The poem was constructed similarly, yet in reverse; the first two stanzas were written by Ava, who then passed it off to Chad to finish.
The integral element of growth that runs throughout this series was strengthened by the split creation of the painting and poem. To begin a work of art meant to never be finished by your own hand, yet by another's, requires mitigating felt pressure and a release of control, as well as the courage to paint or write alongside another's talent. Luckily, all of the collaborating artists have a tendency to harmonize.
Chad began by painting two figures in the center of the stretched t-shirt, back to back, turned inwards, yet moving closer to one another through a winged arch and birds in flight. The wings attached to the figure on the right are pulled from a painting, Lucifero, by Roberto Ferri, a contemporary Baroque-inspired artist who Chad has fallen in love with. In fact, in a process of affirming his artistry and validity as an artist, Chad is currently painting a good portion of Ferri’s oeuvre. The birds in flight are emerging from the base of a broken bottle, painted by Chad in memory of a healing moment between himself and Ava earlier this past fall.
Ava had shared with Chad a tried and true method of coping, one alternative to self-destruction, that she had done since childhood: the smashing of plates and bottles against a stone wall. Naturally, a bottle was thrown during their phone call this given night, bringing a near melodic, beautiful sound of shattering. The bell shape featured in the painting is the bottom of the bottle that was left over from this shatter, which Chad asked to see a picture of, sent by Ava as evidence of "the wreckage." Needing release, Chad threw a plastic cup on the ground of his cell over and over again, the two of them silently listening to the excruciating bounce as it refused to break, no matter how hard it was thrown. So, with Ava's hand, they smashed a second bottle in Chad's name.
"In short, it [the painting] is about evidence of the wreckage, of turning inwards to it, yet simultaneously opening to allow our wreckage to be witnessed, learned, and known." -Ava
"The wreckage."
Lucifero, Roberto Ferri, oil on canvas.
Gustav, the musical heartbeat in our collaboration, shares in his recorded narrative his encounter hearing "Nothing Else Matters" live, and the immediate closeness he felt to Hetfield and the melody itself as a result. Hetfield's lived experiences, the meaning behind the song itself, and Gustav's closely felt connection can be a way to look at our perceived inadequacies, raging perfectionism, and the unsafe place we may find ourselves "stuck" in. As described by Gustav, we are not incapable, yet rather armed with what is necessary, to free ourselves.
"This is the inspection into the past to acknowledge the truth and let it release from the mind and body. [...] Such a piece of healing beauty with a vital lesson to teach us all. We can all heal." -Gustav
The incomplete t-shirt was then finished after a few days of contemplation on the composition and gentle encouragement from Gustav. Ultimately, Ava decided to paint a rib cage around the existing painting, recognizing a sort of lung shape formed by the two figures. The rib cage was also inspired by recent conversations between herself and Chad on feeling as though something, or someone, is "created from your own rib" -the things that seemingly make nothing else matter.
"Nothing Else Matters," Chad Merrill and Ava Dennis
The poem, again, was a place for even greater creative freedom, and in fact strayed away from the song lyrics this time around, resonating instead with the visual interpretation. The first two stanzas, written by Ava, were a stream of consciousness jotted down in a notes app before it was sent to Chad to finish its final, longer stanza -relayed to Ava over the phone through a comical series of explanations of his punctuation and line breaks.
"Nothing Else Matters," by Chad Merrill and Ava Dennis
It is either your imprint
or that of the blade,
My nakedness named wreckage,
Changed in shape and shade.
Wrists slow turning,
instinctively, skyward,
A named crack in my chest,
Thumbed, made known and desired.
Can it happen here
The quickness of your message
While I slowly fade,
Break my skin called salvage,
Stretched to broken glow.
Wrists slow turning,
Instinctively, skyward,
Eyes refuse to close, seeing wide open
The treasure of the past
Thumbed, made known and desired.
Can it happen here
Can I have it now,
My neck exposed
For must I bleed until the end
With your touch unknown.
Installment 2 is tied together with the final element: Gustav covering "Nothing Else Matters." It is palpable, the intention and depth with which he sings; it is both undeniable and inevitable, thanks to his journey of healing and a desire to spread healing to others through his voice. Informed, impassioned, and necessary. Thank you.
The Jailbreak artists' inspiration and desire for more connection, more collaboration, more learning of themselves and one another has only deepened with this second project. Simultaneously, with each iteration, the themes and goals of this collaboration purify and are made more visible, while creative freedom and breadth of artistic interpretation widen. It is a gift to experience such beauty and meaning with others, as we are always designed to do so. Share outwards.
Until next time-
-The Jailbreak Artists: Chad, Gustav and Ava