Written by Ava Dennis
This March, we are overjoyed to announce a new collaboration series with Chad and his friends: “Jailbreak - Escaping the confines of prison through the healing experience of collaborative art.” This collaboration welcomed an unexpected, yet profound collision of shared passions, catalyzed after diving into a new friendship and a world of healing.
It has been a common theme throughout Chad's art career, as well as his friendships, to continuously engage in artistic collaborations. Art has an innate ability to allow two or more people to engage on a unique level of expression and vulnerability, serving to deepen friendships and understandings of connectivity. This particular instance of collaboration happened quite unexpectedly; this past February, Chad asked to collaborate with Gustav, a musician with whom he had discovered a shared love of lead vocalist of Audioslave, Soundgarden, and Temple of the Dog, Chris Cornell. They also found common ground in having deep passion and commitment to their art forms -- painting and music-- and further, an experience of self-doubt and refusal to see themselves as worthy or adequate creators.
"Chad and I were talking about adaptations and how those of us with trauma histories often do not think much of ourselves. I told him for most of my life, I was too embarrassed to play in front of myself, let alone others. And as for singing, forget about it. At the prospect of this collaboration, I said, "I do not consider myself a musician." To which Chad responded, "That's okay, I do not consider myself an artist." -Gustav
The song they chose was "Like A Stone" by Audioslave, later recorded by Cornell as a solo act --a song that anyone who knows Chad knows well. The idea was simple: Chad was to paint the song, including a portrait of Cornell, and a cover of the song was to be recorded by Gustav When Chad shared his idea, he told of his strange and never before found connection and comfortability with Gustav, due largely in part to their comparable adaptations to lives of various pains and traumas. Chad then requested that a third element of the collaboration be introduced to complete it: another friend, Ava, would write a poem, inspired by the song, to accompany the painting.
Like the other participants in the collaboration, Ava was challenged with feeling adequate to participate, yet in the spirit a beautifully blossoming friendship between Chad and Gustav and the profound potential of a collaboration, they all confronted themselves, their self-doubt, garnered new strength, and dove in. It was a short time before connections between the three artists deepened through a shared experience of healing, trauma, and the creation of art and music.
"This collaboration has taken ahold of me. I’ve had incredible highs and very dark lows, recalling old wounds and working to heal them." -Gustav
The collaboration unintentionally became consuming and life-giving for each artist working on their own as well as in concert with one another -as well as admittedly uncomfortable. Gustav cracking open his voice, Chad's hours of painting that included moments of breaking down with Chris, and Ava's anxieties surrounding providing an adequate contribution, resulted in unforeseen growth. The discomfort made it all the more meaningful, and the acknowledgement and admission to it by each artist strengthened their commitments; confronting your own fears when they uphold and increase another's strength makes the feat vastly more surmountable.
Like A Stone, Ava Dennis
My life’s demise is denial,
Only freedom is found in falling.
It is time I have spent sat on your tail,
Yet only now I do hear you speak.
I open my mouth to taste this evident breath,
To find your kiss through tongue and cheek.
I am pagan,
Brimmed with blood and hymn.
Fashioned to worship, to follow, to find;
The only truth the earth do utter.
I tried to find you sooner,
Though you did not answer my call.
I have read the pages,
I have bruised and bled.
Now, I will wait.
In your absence, I pace.
A myriad of rooms you return to,
Where I dream to lay to rest.
I sink my feet in your shoes,
Tease my hair with your comb.
I crawl into your clothing,
Near fashioning my tomb.
I inhale the empty,
Tongue meeting your musked perfume.
I still, I stir.
I wait for her there.
Till death comes home to her doorstep,
I wait, yet dare say I too will search.
Chad had painted, arguably, the perfect adaptation of "Like A Stone," a song that is often misunderstood as a love song. "Like A Stone" is a song about death: dying alone, waiting for death to arrive, and the desire to be brought somewhere good after life ends. The song and the painting's meaning is compounded by a retroactive commemorative nature, as Chris Cornell died by suicide in 2017. Chris' portrait can be seen in the middle of the canvas, surrounded by interpretations of time and death, wandering souls, and the extinguishment of life.
Chad painted in his usual style: blowing ink out of pens and working with paint brushes made out of toothbrush hairs. The T-shirt was stretched and made stiff, making a workable canvas, with a combination hair gel and milk. If you listen to the words of the "Like A Stone," you will see so much of it translated through Chad's hand. Ava attempted to incorporate the lyrics into the poem as well, which Chad, to her dismay, made her write next to his painting.
And with that, with resounding gratitude and appreciation, here is the accompanying cover of "Like A Stone" by Gustav. To those reading, listen with Chad's painting in front of you.
"Someone once told me that collaborating is the cure for human loneliness. I didn't understand it at the time, but I'm starting to get it. I'm hella lonely all the time it feels like, in this sorry-ass place designed to dehumanize, separate, destroy your fucking spirit. Collaborating has absolutely given me this connection to people and allowed me to experience their talents, their vulnerabilities, their human side --the side I normally wouldn't get to see. I'm very grateful to be collaborating with Ava and Gustav. Words escape me." -Chad
We are excited to continue and expand upon our conversation on the journey of healing and the profound impact artistic collaboration can have on those venturing on that path. The incredibly special outcome of this collaboration quickly got all of us on board to Chad's idea to do one installment every month for a year: a total of 12 songs, 12 paintings, 12 poems. We plan to forward each work to either the musician, or the family of, band of, or community of the musician. Of course we are already brainstorming new and creative ways to split up the projects, and yes, we've already chosen the next song.
See you at the next one.
-The Jailbreak Series artists: Chad, Gustav, and Ava
